hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
