Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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