whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
