just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Panties = found
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
