Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
