(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
