my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
