Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
