I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
