True but thats because hes a fetus.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
