i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
