Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
