So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
