Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Send help, water and tortillas.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
