Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
