saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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