She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
