It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
