my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
