dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
