Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
