girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
