I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
