wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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