I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
