I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My ATM looks so different sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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