i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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