this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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