Betty ford says i'm here all night
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize