rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
