I heard we made out
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
