I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
