I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
