Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
