The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
