She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
