tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
