I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
