I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
