wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
