my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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