I just pynch a tree in the face
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
