Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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