$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
