We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
