everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
