guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
