She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
