I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
