sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
