I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
