so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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