Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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