hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
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My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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