life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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