I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
