were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
