I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
