Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
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And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
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