so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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