Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
