it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
